I always become very reflective around this time of year. Mainly because something inside of me is activated. A feeling. An urge. An overwhelming sense of urgency to make sure that I am moving from the old year to the new with a break in consciousness.

An urge to reflect, to examine, to evaluate myself and the state of the world. So that I don’t just take for granted the freedoms and opportunities I have by being an American citizen. That is not to say that I condone the “isms,” injustices of what certain groups courageously endure everyday, and even the pain we cause ourselves. I still believe, perhaps naively, that my happiness is primarily my responsibility. And that the more happiness, joy, and enthusiasm I “bring” to my relationships, the happier I will be.

I realize that there are places where there is suppression of the expression of the human spirit, but the human spirit itself cannot be suppressed by anyone except myself. That is, living in a state of empathy, compassion, humility, and love. This is the state where I find peace and happiness with how things are rather than how they should be.

I also recognize that I am constantly in a state of becoming, mainly driven by the experiences and forces of life. Some lessons are harsh, from my perspective, and some are loving and gentle. For me, the harsh ones are the most profound. Like losing someone we love with all the intensity and strength we can spiritually express. It is this type of experience that has the potential for creating an everlasting spiritual connection within ourselves. The process is “letting go” of the mental attachments that appear to sustain us on a human level and allow the spiritual expression to find its own way in human form.

The transition also reminds me of my desire to base my life on a personal vision. This vision has no form of how the world should be. It is simply to assist in creating “human compatibility” among human beings on planet earth. For me, this is a state of being. A state of consciousness that I believe to be a necessity for our continued existence. That vision is the major purpose of this blog site.

I am convinced that if we can collectively experience a critical transformation in human consciousness, permanent solutions will follow with blinding speed. In fact, most of the solutions we require exist today, and have existed for millenia. However, they have all been driven from a context of survival and threat. Therefore, what ultimately shows up are temporary fixes that we somehow know will not be any lasting value.

I am constantly reminded by the optimists I encounter that that the consciousness that I speak of is increasing in number and intensity. I’m not so sure. I struggle between wanting to believe them and yet grounded by my scientific upbringing of tangible, measurable results. In spite of these doubts, I will live my vision everyday as though I am an infinitesimal difference that is influencing human consciousness toward a state of human compatibility.

Have you given thought to what your personal vision is for yourself, those you love, and the world. When you have it, then live it everyday in your sphere of influence. Together we can make a difference by first being a difference.

Your comments are appreciated.

We live in this society which socializes us to value money and achieving it as a way to validate the self. Now, I am speaking about my socialization world growing up, and if you came from a world where the love of doing something in itself was the top prize, regardless of the money situation, quite honestly, I admire that and am a little bit envious.

Growing up, I thought if I could have just enough money to raise a family and keep everyone happy, that is success. Although fleeting thoughts of “what I wanted to do in life-a passion” crept in at times, I often chose paths that money would follow.

Now, at the age of 40, reality has hit in like a ton of bricks. Sure money is important, yet it is not even close to everything. My relationship with my wife, Elizabeth and three boys, Michael 5, Matthew 3, and Cole 1 are the most prescious.

Recently, I discovered a revelation about myself. Whenever, I am desiring the need to be famous or achieve external rewards such as money, it occurs when I am not doing something of “passion” or something that is alligned with my values.

In November, I completed the Philadelphia Marathon. After training for 6 months, and experiencing the pain, sweat, and tears of the process…an elation came over me of joy and peace. This feeling is what is important…as this goal was alligned with my values. My lesson: One of the best experiences in my life, had nothing to do with money. Secondly, it was one of the most difficult challenges and successes in my life.

As we move forward in to 2008, my goal is to really uncover the layers of the onions to my true work passions and continue pursuing them and that it works for the fabulous four.

Happy Holidays to all, thanks for listening.

What does it mean to you that you’ve not mastered this
major area of relationships? (This question is only to
be answered to yourself! I didn’t either.) For me I
don’t know if there is really a mastering of
relationships anyway – I guess it’s more a learning. A
relationship is the most difficult challenge in life,
especially an intimate one. My point of view to what a
relationship is about has totally changed. There are
two people, they’re finding each other. To love
somebody to me means: I’ll do all I can to support and
to help him. To let him be the person he already is
(and this is the real difficult part). As soon as I’m
trying to change anything he does or he is – I’m
automatically changing the one I love – would I still
love him, when he’s meeting my expectations, when I’ve
made him change his habits and behaviors? No – because
he’s no longer the one I was falling in love with.
Love is not to be exprienced in good times it’s more
important to experience love in bad times. And love is
needing truth and confidence as well as imperfection
and failures.
It’s more important to give than to get. Listening is
more important than talking. Being here is more
important than going out. Sharing times together in
quietness and silence. Being one.

Am I too romantic or unrealistic?

The more years we can count the more value is our
life. Therefore conflict and gossip are things we
don’t need anymore, that’s wasting time, and we don’t
have that much and we should’nt waste it. But
sometimes they are facing us – that’s the time to show
the results we learned in our unique “workshop of
life”.

Just as Ithought. When I let go of control all kinds of thoughts began to surface. Particularly, with respect to relationships in my life. I guess it’s not surprising. It’s the major area of my life that I have not mastered. I feel good about the other parts of my life in terms of growing and learning.

I have a basic dilemma. I enjoy my time alone when I don’t want to meet anyone else’s needs. And, I also enjoy being with others in meaningful interactions and conversations. I’ve also reached the point where I understand myself fairly well. Therefore, frequent conflict or gossip is not something I have much patience for anymore.

My point in sharing my thoughts is not a confession, but perhaps to stimulate your own self-examination. I find that it’s a powerful exercise to do a regular mental check-up of expectations we have of ourselves and others.

During this season, I plan to continue my introspection process. So that I can do sufficient housekeeping that none of the “stuff” built-up in 2007 will be carried over to 2008. However, prior to transitioning into 2008, I will be writng my vision and objectives. Hope you do the same. If your mind doesn’t know what you want then you’ll probably be unhappy with what you have.

Love,
Bill

I recently had conversation with one of best friends. He shared with me that he takes a day off every month to be with himself. The day is unplanned and evolves, and is driven by a force within himself. It’s like his inner self knows exactly the activities he wants and needs.

The major lesson in his Special Day is trust. Not external trust of others or even himself, but an inner, probably spiritual trust. You can begin to see that such a trust in one’s self means a complete loss of control. Because you don’t know where it may lead you or the “inner game” you may be participating in! If control is vitally important to you then your Special Day would be one which is well-planned with no deviations or probable surprises.

On the other hand, if you are an adventurer of “inner space,” then a spiritually driven special Day per month is perfect. That’s exactly what I have in mind for myself today. Just writing this blog has already created a process within me of foreboding or the rumblings of fear. There must be something down there that is just waiting to come to my conscious awareness. I will find out before the day is over and let you know.

In the meantime, why don’t you ask yourself how much you trust your self being totally out of control. What might you learn or already have inkling of. Particularly, if you have had this feeling of foreboding for some time. The programmed psyche is a truly mysterious thing. But nothing compared with your spiritual consciousness when it demands to be “heard.” Again, I know this from experience.

If you read this blog early enough today, why don’t you experiment with me on a half-day basis. Then share with me what you experienced. Or not! Well, “I’m off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz!”

Ciao,
Bill

During the Thanksgiving-Christmas season I always take time to reflect on just about everything: Am I doing what I really want to do in my work? How well do I prioritize my time with people and events? Do I know myself well enough to know the kinds of relationship(s) I want; especially intimate ones? Do I feel compelled to fulfill the expectations of others? What are my short and long-term goals and aspirations? How well am I managing money for the short and long terms? And most of all, what comprises happiness for me?

These questions require quiet meditation for me. It appears to also require a kind of selfishness where the answers are all about me. That’s okay, because the next sphere of consideration is, “How does my reflection affect and include someone or those around me?” For me, this should be a stepwise process of me first without the aspirations of others mixed with my answers and then recognizing that I don’t live in a world without those I love, work, and serve, my personal aspirations and goals must include them.

This is the difficult part of growing up or maturing. How do I “include” others without losing myself or feeling forced to do things that breed resentment–either spoken or unspoken? Moving through this delicate process requires “two” people who are willing to learn and grow. I notice that a number of maturing individuals, particularly women, choose to be single rather than simply “putting up” with a warm body to feel complete. There are a few lessons I have learned through the “workshop of life.”

1) Don’t feel the need for someone to complete you, you are complete, whole, and perfectly learning, just as you are.

2) Don’t look for someone to make you happy or fulfill your dreams, this expectation, in practice, will only breed resentment, polarization, and and unhappy relationship. Bring your happiness with you “to” the relationship and you both will have extended periods of bliss!

3) Don’t try to hide the difficult conversations. Things change. People change. Relationships change. And sometimes things can hurt real bad. I know from experience. But hanging in there with a trusted friend can lead to the discovery of a new person inside yourself.

4) As you reflect on the questions above, begin to create a vision or a dream for yourself in whatever spheres of life that interest you most. Then make a “quick plan” for achieving that vision. Then figure out who and what you will as resources. Remember, most of the vision or dream depends on you!

As always, the more ambitious your dream, the greater the test. Oh yeah, somewhere in the process you will be tested as to how badly you really want your dream. I know you have been reading “The Secret,” but your dream will not materialize without sweat, pain, and passing your unique tests. So dream something that is both realistic and challenging.

For now, just take a week or so for reflection. Pose the important questions to your subconscious and just be receptive to the answers popping up at unpredictable times; even while you are sleeping! Then move the second phase: formulating a vision or a dream so vivid that you could see, taste, and feel it! Then, move to phase three: planning. As you implement your plan, visualize your end-state every morning. It will guide your daily activities in the direction of your dream.

Let me know how you doing with your process or bumps you might encounter.

Love,
Bill