I define humanistic values as those that are sourced from one’s “inner self.” That “space” within each of us that propels us to do what is ethically and morally supportive of the well-being of others. One of the most important humanistic values is love.

I define love as an unconditional acceptance of another, exactly asd she or he is–without the necessity to fit our expectations of how she or he should be. I had a very close friend who lived in Hawaii. She was very spiritual. Rarely have I encountered anyone with such an openness to see the value and good in others.

She unquestionably had great depth in terms of wisdom–an understanding, empathy, and compassion for the human experience. She had been fighting bouts of cancer for some years–all of which were contained or went into remission. Then, she contracted intestinal cancer. A very aggressive and deadly form. Most of her family and close friends were very, very frustrated (and even angry) when she refused to have surgery.

She declared that her ability to dissolve the cancerous growth through self-applied energy healing was the transformation she required to be prepared to spread the message of peace to planet Earth. What is love when faced with such a situation as a relative or loved one? Is it the unconditional acceptance of her decision? If so, frustration and anger are reflections of, at best, “conditional acceptance.”

On the other hand, no one wants to lose a loved one who brought such joy to their lives. We all desperately want to hold on to her, even if she refuses to be “saved.”

Well, ultimately she had surgery. It was, however, too late. She died. I was, and still am, devasted by her death. I am also aware that my present devastation is an incompletion within myself. Everytime I fly into Honolulu, I say a quiet prayer in her behalf. For I still feel her presence. Sometimes with greater force in death, than when she was alive–where I took for granted she would always be here!

What I did learn from her death is what it is to be unconditionally committed to another human being–in whatever way he or she chooses to create his or her reality.

I’m interested in your opinion of how you would have dealt with a situation like my friend, if she were a relative or loved one of yours.

The third audio chapter of Rodney this Wednesday!

The other day Bill asked me what I thought about humanistic values. I thought about kindness and service. I thought about the time when I was in college, very poor to say the least, and I took a homeless man to a hotel room because he was about to sleep in front of the store where I worked. It was a cold night and snow had started falling. I actually left him there at first, but when I got home I just couldn’t stop thinking about him sleeping out in the cold so I drove back to the store and asked him if he wanted to go to a hotel, which he said he would very much like to go to a hotel. I remember on the way to the hotel this man, who had a speech impediment so I could barely understand him, started asking me if I could do other things for him, like buy him clothes or food. I’m really not sure what he wanted as I couldn’t understand him, but I remember getting a little angry at him for not just appreciating the “incredible” act of kindness I was bestowing on him.

So the question is, was my act of kindness a humanistic value, or in other words, was it an altruistic act? I think the answer is both yes and no. If I am brutally honest with myself, I have to say that what motivated me was not so much compassion for the man, but a fear of how I would feel about myself if I didn’t act. I admit I did feel sorry for the man and I did want to help, but I think what really motivated me was the fear of how I would feel about myself. Remember, my first impulse was to leave him there and go home. However, I believe that by taking action on my motivation, an act of compassion did occur.

I lived many years in Japan. Japanese culture has set rules of conduct. One such cultural rule the Japanese follow is On and Giri. When someone performs a kind act to another, On – or personal debt – is created. Giri is the duty to repay that debt. Giri is defined as:

“an innate sense of duty, obligation, morality and the absolute need to return a favor. Everyone is bound by giri – giri toward ones parents (filial piety) and giri toward ones teachers and benefactors. giri is also expressed at the societal level by meeting ones obligations and responsibilities as best as possible. Meeting the demands of giri are synonymous with defending one’s personal honor even under the most adverse circumstances. giri is taken so seriously that sometimes Japanese people have been known to commit suicide in an attempt to satisfy it. giri is a powerful force in Japanese society which promotes order, discipline and a general sense of societal well-being.

I once thought my Christian values of love and compassion were superior to the Japanese values of doing things out of “societal obligations.” But when I think of what motivates us in our acts of kindness towards each other, I think one of the most powerful forces at work is our desire to feel good about ourselves and to be a contributing member to the society we live in. And by living up to the standards of our society and the expectations of those around us, true humanistic acts of compassion are performed. While the internal motivations may not be altruistic, the external results of our acts are altruistic.

So many GEN-Xers and Sandwich Generationers are facing a very challenging situation. How to care for their parents in a loving and sensitive way and still have a life of their own. The Sandwich Generation is involved with caring for both parents and children! They have strong feelings about social security payments; especially as the fund “apparently” erodes. This is happening against a backgound of the significant “graying” of America. So, I thought Spirituality and the Elderly might be a great series to discuss for the next week or so.

Actually, Phil Davis started this discission with his Guest Blog on January 22, 2006. In his blog, he discussed the subject of Spirituality, and Death and Dying, as a real experience involving the death of his mother. He also received a very strong response to his blog, indicating, most of all, the emotional, social, economic, and political nature of this subject.

The first premise I would like to put forward is that unless we approach this subject from a spiritual perspective, then win/win all around is not possible. I have discussed previously on this site what I mean by spirituality. It is that which comes from within, beyond the belief structures we have adopted (mostly unconsciously) or have been taught. We begin by first examining our belief structures about what it means to be elderly.

The most common thoughts are useless, slow, burden, out-of-touch, expensive, time-consuming, wisdom, fun, and child care! There are also the feelings that the 50+ generation have about themselves. They are, for the most part, an overlay of the thoughts I mentioned above. However, they also involve much more overarching thoughts. Namely, the meaning of their lives, regrets, anger, and what lies beyond. Thoughts that are not on the radar screen of younger generations; thoughts which are spiritual in nature.

So the process of bridging relationships across generations begins with understanding where each is “coming from”; in essence, their context of thinking. Actually, any authentic relationship begins with this premise. So, I guess what I’m saying is that dealing with the elderly, however we uniquely define that term, begins with examining our own preconceived notions as well as how “in-depth” we really understand ourselves in relationship to anyone. If relationship is all about one’s self, then there is still much learning ahead–whether it involves the elderly or anyone else.

Spirituality comes about when a breakthrough event allows us to truly experience what humility is. It reduces the ego to zero. And what is left is “empty and meaningless!” Think about this last statement before reacting to it. Because, unless we have had this experience, in our own unique way, spirituality might still be an intellectual concept. More to come and how-tos only after we have dealt with our mind-set.

Take advantage of the free audio download of Chapter Two of Rodney for kids of all ages!

Bill Guillory is in Mexico this week. There will be guest bloggers. Meanwhile, enjoy the free audio of Rodney.

Bill Guillory

Check out the free “vintage audio book” in the right-hand column of Rodney. It is the story of a young boy growing up in Kansas City, MO as he attempts to understand his relationships with family, relatives, and friends. This audio book is a fun listening experience for both parents and children.

I invite you to download the book and have fun listening to Rodney’s experiences of growing up! A new chapter will be loaded on this site for the next ten weeks.

I recently had a chance to revisit the word friendship. A friend who I had not seen in fifteen years telephoned me–literally out of the blue. I was overjoyed to see her again. It was like I had just been with her last week. The reconnection was instantaneous.

The first thing that happened to me was the flood of memories that returned. I remembered the times when I cried on her shoulder about how the world was conspiring against me. The thing I remember most was her question: “How or why did you “create” the situation you are in?” This is a very disconcerting question when you’re up to your knees in alligators and sinking rapidly!

Our conversations involved my early exposure to the concept of empowerment and the fact that if I create my own reality, then how could I possibly be a victim. That was very strange talk then and equally strange to many people today. What I tried to do was not struggle with concept but adopt that way of thinking. Then observe what my actions would be: empowering or victimizing!

I remember the first time I applied for a research grant and was rejected. It was like a personal rejection of me as a person. I couldn’t make a distinction between my potential as a research scientist and my inherent value as a human being. My accomplishments were inseparable from me–at that time.

That’s where my friend came in. These were the lessons she reminded me of at that time.

Lesson One: There are some things you can’t control, no matter how self-determining you are. You can only do your best and rejoice or learn from the results you get.

Lesson Two: Life is a never-ending series of tests. Sometimes you pass “GO” and get a reward and sometimes you have to pay for something even though you have no money. Both situations are tests!

Lesson Three: Hanging in there by your fingernails in the midst of confusion and doubt will create a space for unforeseen miracles to come to your rescue. Your commitment to prevailing is mysteriously noticed by the world and the world, in turn, provides the support you need. (This is a leap of faith in something greater than yourself!)

Lesson Four: Continue to move forward by taking actions in your own behalf even though it will seem that you are making no forward progress.

Lesson Five: Maintain a positive attitude by visualizing your goal of success. (This difficult to do when the swamp is filled with alligators.)

And most amusingly of all, remember this is just a test. If it were the real thing, you would have been given instructions! These are the words of a true friend. Thanks

Tomorrow begins the free download of the vintage audio book Rodney–A Young Person’s Story. Ten chapters, one posted each week. Each chapter is about 8-9 minutes in duration. This audio book is intended for “children of all ages!”

On one of my business trips to Philadelphia, I ended my consulting day early, so I ran out to the street and desperately began flagging a cab to catch an earlier flight back to Salt Lake City. None would stop; I wondered why. At which point I began repeating positive affirmations to myself. Just then, this “voice” from nowhere said, “Why are you mumblin’ to yourself?” I turned to see a person sitting on a grate with steam floating all around him, like an apparition.

“Excuse me,” I said, “Are you talking to me?” “Who else is standing there talking to the lamp post?” he replied. I chose not to reply, taking the high road. “I feel sorry for you,” he said. “What?” I replied. “I feel sorry for you,” he repeated. “You feel sorry for me?” I asked incredulously. “Yeah, I thought you were gonna get a heart attack, running up and down the street like a chicken with his head cut off!”

“We obviously operate on different time frames,” I stated. “No we don’t,” he stated, “I don’t have one!” And he fell out laughing. I asked myself, “Is this a cruel joke? Why me? A street person philosopher. That’s all I need.” By this time, people were passing by observing our conversation–a high level executive and a street person in consultation!

Then he said, “If you want a cab, I can get one for you.” “Sure,” I thought to myself, “A three-piece suit and a homeless philosopher.” Just then a cab rounded the corner and stopped in front of us. The driver said, “Where to, sir?” I quickly said, “Airport and hurry!” “I was speaking to the other gentleman,” the cab driver replied. Then the homeless philosopher told the cab driver, “He can have my cab.” The cab driver said, “Are you sure?”

I humbly got into the cab with the prophet saying, “Slow down and smell the roses, I was once just like you! And by the way, you’ll make your flight.” I did and was upgraded to first-class! (True story)

Conclusion: Don’t judge people by their appearance or the quality of their clothes. The quality of a person is deep beneath their skin.

Bill,
I could not agree with you more. I am also amazed (though shouldn’t be) about the precient nature of your book, “Animal Kindgom.” Though I had read it before the Hurricane and levy break, it was only in reading your web site that I realized how many details of the events depicted in the book, are mirrored in the events of Katrina and its aftermath. Hopefully we, as a species, can begin to learn what the characters in your book did — to live in harmony. Calling attention to the need is a great place to start. Thank you.

This blog is a long time in coming because it’s so personal. My sister, Dr. Barbara Guillory Thompson, was trapped for seven days by the flooding in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. She does not consider herself to be a victim, evacuee (because she’s a U.S. citizen), or displaced. The “Fates” are her home and contents are destroyed and the insurance has paid about one-third its worth. She’s now deciding “where to now.”

Should she remain in Utah and be close to me, relocate to Mississippi where several of her long-time friends are located, or move back to New Orleans and rebuild? I think New Orleans is out. But the other two are still in the running. While here, she leaves a trail of unforgettable encounters with the dentist, drug store personnel, and people in the neighborhood. The question I’m commonly asked is “How did you get such a wonderful sister?”

Putting aside the facts that she was the first Black woman at LSU Baton Rouge (when Blacks were not so welcomed), among the first Black students who successfully sued to get into Tulane University (when Blacks were so welcomed as now and still managed to get a Ph.D. there), and taught at Dillard University for 40 years, I think she feels blessed to be alive and highly functional.

She was very active in New Orleans on city boards, nursing homes, promoting the careers of her many, many, former students. So what’s the point I’m making? Empowerment is about contributing to the lives of others as well as one’s self. As a result, there is little time left to complain about what we don’t have. Notwithstanding the fact that many, many people left with just the clothes on their backs, empowerment is looking at our circumstances and seeking ways to better ourselves.

If there is any country on this planet where this mind-set and reality are not illusions, it is the U.S. Now I’m not one of these “pull yourself up by your boot straps” people, but I do know you can change your life by changing your mind-set. The mind-set I’m speaking of is one of “can do.” Ultimately, FEMA and state supported programs will end, no matter what promises are made by whom! That’s reality and one my sister realized from the beginning.

Her attitude is not surprising, since her entire life was about teaching empowerment. Holding students accountable for their responsibilities was an essential life lesson, in addition to a homework assignment. Breaking barriers in those times was not a pastime, but a dedicated effort to create change that many students enjoy today, and I hope appreciate. As a great Black American once said, “Today’s privileges are built on the shoulders of giants.” This quote is particularly true during Black History Month. (February)

Having grown up in New Orleans in the Lafitte Housing Projects, I know the stuff the people of New Orleans are made of. I humbly acknowledge their losses. And I also know “They, like my sister, will rise again.!” Those who are scattered around the U.S., there is value and opportunity wherever you find yourself. I encourage all of us to reach out to one another and begin to look for the opportunities this tragic event has provided.

If you haven’t asked yet, I suggest you do so at this time, “Where to now?”